It's Been A While Since I Posted

it has been 1 week since brandon broke up with me
i dont know what i should be feeling right now:

- hatred
- anger
- sadness
- remorse
- hurt
- i really do not know

i guess what i feel is nothing at all, i am numb
numb from any real emotion, all i know is that i miss him
i miss a lot of things about him
and i dont think he misses me at all
i dont think that he thinks about me or cares about me
and most of i dont think he loves me
the only emotion i really for this guy is love
COMPLETE UNCONDITIONAL LOVE
i want him back, he doesnt want me back
maybe the love im experiencing is unrequited love
there's never really a moment when i dont think of you brandon
maybe one day we can be together again, and be happy
and maybe one day you would want to be with me again
i miss you, i love you, and i want to be with you

OH TWILIGHT COMIC HAHA!

hey, i am happy (:

yep, just as the title say, i am happy now
things are finally the way i want them to be
school is still consuming my life but it okay
i seriously do not mind it one bit
i'm going to be double majoring which should be pretty exciting
i missed blogging, too bad i have nothing to blog about yet
well, we'll see ... imma start updating again
about to go run some errands at walmart
need to pay summer school tuition
and i need to get the department chair to sign my application
one class tmrw then heading out to LIFE PLAZA ONCE AGAIN (:

i really did miss that place, good memories
and we're about to be making more

Random

had a pretty good day today:

1. english class was cancelled, yay
2. found out i got a C on my psych exam, not yay
3. aced the map quiz of ssci165 plus the extra credit, yay
4. got chipotle for lunch with isaiah, brian and josh, yay
5. helped brian register for chaffey college summer school, yay
6. finished reading the assigned reading for psych, yay

currently taking a break from reading
going to be studying for social sciences in a little bit
planning on going to see DRAKE perform how exciting
isaiah and i still need to buy our tickets on friday

Friends, Thai Food & Piercings

afternoon consisted of:

1. meeting up at isaiah's

2. drove and ate at mix bowl (thai food)//people present:

- me
- lizette
- chantelle
- tim
- brian cacho
- isaiah
- steven
- brian hernandez
- glenn
- jaron

3. drove to king of spades to get piercings

4. drove back to isaiah's house just in time to watch the Laker game

5. everyone was practicing jerking while i read and watched

6. brian cacho was the only successful one to reject

7. then isaiah, chantelle jerked once - super cute


maybe i should practice jerkin... chyea right !

oh, & pictures from tonight:



driving in traffic



oh what? exactly 130,000 miles



nina's industrial



brian's industrial



and chantelle's industrial




brian trying on lizette's sandal... SUCCESS !



me and lizette; check that lip ring though



me reading "thing fall apart"- achebe



me and lizette just one more time (:

-- great day, had fun, only drawback is lakers losing to fckn utah

First Day of Spring Quarter

The day started off pretty good
isaiah and i found parking and was able to go to all our classes
it was pretty hot today, and isaiah's car was even hotter
my classes were overall good, except for my last psyc class
i couldnt really pay attention cause i was dozing off, i was tired
teachers were all chill and the students in the class was chill
made a to do list when isaiah and i got back to headquarters
an i finished everything on my long list and now all i have to do is read
sigh so much reading in all my classes, at least it will keep me safe
safe from being bombarded of thoughts of you, or me thinking too much
afternoon was spent eating, photobooth, walmart,and victoria gardens
errands like picking up shanyssa's board from bennington & giving it back
seeing pancho and romeo again made me really happy (:
then now coming home and starting to do my reading workload

le sigh;

hm look at me and lizette's silly faces (:

Crazy Stuff Happened

karen and i decided to get pedicures today, yay feet are pretty
head home and decide to go to montclair mall to go shopping
while driving on the 60W, i decide to switch to the carpool lane
there was a truck in front of me and it was carrying glass and other stuff
right when i was about to change lanes, i guess one of its tires goes out
and the truck looses control starts swerving the glass panels shatter
glass is everywhere, hit my windshield and was about to hit me & car in front of me
hit the breaks and the truck barely misses us and the camry in front of us
somehow that truck manages to swerve from the carpool lane to the right shoulder
he didnt hit any other car, which i find to be amazing
cause he practically lost control and glided to that shoulder lane
after that, karen aldrich and i all grab the rosary that hangs in my car all the time

-- god saved us , and thats why i am able to write this blog

Julian's Kickback

wow, my night was pretty interesting haha
ended up driving from moreno valley past 11:20pm
getting to diamond bar almost 12pm, kickback was... (rhymes with black)
then from there drove back to rancho, dropped off jomar
drove to chris's house to pick him up then straight to brian's
ate some snacks, set up the hookah, and chilled until 3am
overall a good night, a chance for me to relax from finals
and to be able to finally enjoy my spring break !
i think im going to go to bed now, ate is already sleeping
she is sooo cute when she sleeps, busy day tmrw if we decide to go


can't stop, won't stop

A Wednesday Afternoon

had a really good day today
aced my kinesiology final of 150 questoins
my biology final of 155 questions went.... SO SO haha
spent the afternoon with isaiah and lizette n their fam
watched sex and the city , i think we'll finish it tmrw
went to KING OF SPADES in upland (:
blanky and shyboy are the greatest people ever
lizette and i had dinner at wendy's which was pretty good
got home, internet/aiport thingy is still acting up
so now im gonna enjoy my night by watching SUPERBAD
ohhh the memories...



i cant wait to see what a ring looks like on lizette

Oh Saturday

this saturday was pretty good,
had lunch with lizard at mcdonalds
got 21 choices with lizard, kiwi, and niko
went to sallys got some bleach
watched some volcano high cause liz has never seen it
finished up my hair
went to target with mom, she was being really nice
wanted to cheer me up by buying me some skullcandys and the last twilight book

but the best part about my day was me seeing a storm trooper. oh hell HELL yes !

Thusday Afternoon

calculus = not good
biology lab = excellent !

afternoon i went to dj's dorm
went to vg to have lunch at kabuki
good food, but long wait fml
went back to my house
and started watching the movie
SOUL MEN
and that ish was so funny
too bad i didnt even finish it =/
oh well i will finish it one day
and dj is pretty cool to hang around with
she is chill
and she is wearing my bball shorts
hmm, life is good, but next week will be hell
cause we're gonna have finals, fml again

hm we were oogling about david grohl
and now im oogling over anthony green, yes

i should be studying but im not
cause dj is here distracting me
but its a - okayyyyyy

i blog violently and talk while im blogging
haha

Confessions of a Sad 18 Year Old Girl

ehh afternoon was bien, caught up with high school friends old and new.

night was good, pow and his friend then dealt with some business down the street

come home watch confessions of a shopaholic with my mom. she also tells me the bad news. i guess she has to take an epidural steriod thingy tmrw at kaiser at 1pm. she said it will relieve her back pain but there are side effects. i read the paper and there were bad side effects: increased blood pressure, increased blood sugar, increased chance of getting osteoperosis, increase chance of getting depression, chance of not being able to work er function for 6 months. thats just too much shit right there.

first of all my mom already has all that shit and now if she takes this epidural, then there could be a chance of doubling what she already has?! and for what? so that her back will stop hurting. this is complete bullshit, im gonna kill the doctor who ordered her to get this damn shot. that guy is an asshole anyways. i hope she doesnt go through with it, she has until tmrw afternoon at 1pm to decide.

i love you mom, i know youre always in pain, and i can feel it. but if you go through with this, and you get those side effects, youre just going to be taking fucking pills for the rest of your life. and for the back pain, it could go away, and you'd only have to take medicine for that. i love you mama, and i dont want to see you suffer anymore, i just hope you make the right decision.

Tuesday March 17, 2009

good morning, happy saint patricks day
and a happy birthday to my kuya mark !
i decided to blog about my morning
cause this morning was really different
today is the first time i've dreamt since...
i believe december?
yeah i dont know why i havent had any dreams
up until this morning
maybe its because i watched last house on the left
it was not the scary but idk, random neural impuleses
i dont remember my dream but i remember being sad
and just being a dark place, nothing weird
maybe its just reflecting how i feel

last night i think i was really sick
i had a migrane and i could feel my head throbbing
tried to relax and watch confessions of a shopaholic
i think i only made it to not even half of the movie
hm went to bed around 830 and just thought for a little
i've been stressed out lately and its freaking me out
plus finals are coming up next week, i need to get on that
ehh school needs to end, gonna hang out with poweezy later

My Weekend

Friday:
1. Stayed at Karen and Aldrich, didnt do a damn thing that night haha
2. Watch the movie The Shining
3. Stayed up all night chatting with Aldrich, Lawrence, and Andre

Saturday:
1. Woke up at 10, planned on getting ready and leaving by 1
2. As always our plans dont go through, and we ended up leaving almost 4
3. Got to Tyler Mall pretty quick and walked and shopped for a little
4. Met up with Kuya Mark at Champs, and more talking
5. Ended up going to his house in Corona
6. Night consisted of eating Wingstop, watching the fight, and video games
7. Rented Killzone 2 and played some Call of Duty 4 , oh memories
8. Aldrich and I knocked out at 11, the woke up at 2am
9. Watched some episode of the show 24
10. Kuya Mark gave us some Nyquil to make us sleep and feel better

Sunday:
1. Woke up at like 10ish, showered and got ready for church
2. Didnt end up going to church haha
3. Ate Gretchen made us some breakfast... yum haha
4. Lounged around and watch some of the Laker game
5. Drove back to Moreno Valley
6. Ate really quick, then drove back to my house
7. Scrambled as fast as I could then drove to go to church
8. chuuuurch- people from WIN-LA were there
9. Had the usual meal after church
10. Drove back and went to Shanyssa's house to hang out for a while
11. Watched FRIENDS together, oh the memories
12. Watched her take off her nails, owie
13. Went home , cleaned up my room, did my term paper and now blogging

Overall it was a good weekend. I like when im super busy like that, cause it helps me from not thinking about everything that's been on my mind... and yes there are a lot of things on my mind right now , le sigh. i'm officially missing you. on the lighter note i got this bag from metro park and i really like it haha. and tmrw going to be hanging out with shanyssa for a little bit at ed's then dj and i are going to be watching a movie. i hope my day goes well tmrw, only 1 more week until finals. woo hoo! then spring break, i think im going to san francisco , ehhh cool cool i dont really mind, i just dont wanna be stuck at home like last year haha. Well gg, i'm tired.

Browsing ...

i was looking for an acura nsx

it was a yellow one that i like

it said "momo" on the steering wheel!

1997 Acura NSX Targa $41888 (Baldwin Park)

after college, its what im getting

here's the link:

YELLOW ACURA NSX OH HELL YEAH!

A Really Hard Week

like the title says it has been a really hard week for me
i'm surprised i was able to make it this far
maybe i am stronger than i think , i'm getting stronger
not a day goes by where i don't think of him
he's the first and last thought in my day, pray for him always
you never realize what you have until its really gone
gone out of your life... completely
but all i can do now is to reminisce about everthing
not the bad, all my thoughts are of all the good times

i just miss being able to text some and call that one person
... just cause you can, & know someone out there cares for you
yeah i can text any one of my friends, but its not the same
i miss someone giving me attention, and me giving them attention
every little thing reminds me of him and it sucks kind of
but at least i'll never really EVER forget
as much as it sucks right now, i have to be strong
all my loved ones tell me, "you can do so much better than him"
it's not that i can't , its just that:

THE HEART WANTS WHAT THE HEART WANTS

it's really as simple as that.



friday spent the day at school and afternoon with lizette
more venting and stogie time with our favorite person haha
ate some pinkberry , the mangoes were extra sweet (:
ended up packing my stuff and driving to moreno valley
it's my home away from home, my safe haven
was supposed to hookah , but as always , our plans never go through
it's alright though, aldrich and i plan on going to tyler mall tmrw
currently sitting on ate's bed and she is sleeping next to me now
aldrich is downstairs playing a video game on his ps3
i shouuuuuld be sleeping , but i don't feel that tired
just emotionally and physically tired, oh well
something good needs to happen soon lol, i'm learning to be patient

i was listening to this song called "chasing pavements" by adele
i never really understood what the song meant until i really listened

"I've made up my mind,
Don't need to think it over,
If I'm wrong I am right,
Don't need to look no further,
This ain't lust,
I know this is love but,

If I tell the world,
I'll never say enough,
Cause it was not said to you,
And that's exactly what I need to do,
If I'm in love with you,

Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere,
Or would it be a waste?
Even If I knew my place should I leave it there?
Should I give up,
Or should I just keep chasing pavements?
Even if it leads nowhere"


i think its time for a vacation, looks so calm and relaxing

i'm fed up

with a lot of things

school

family

aaaaand people

Sunday

What a beautiul sunday morning
lately been venting and venting
i was able to get most of everything off of my chest
happiness is literally a warm gun

I Dislike Mondays

Why is it that mondays are such a drag?
Maybe its due to starting the long week when we don't want to
My day: school, chantelle, then home
Allan passed, congrats, didn't get to see him
Chantelle made me smile, I missed her, caught up on life
When home early cause she had work
Stayed home, laid in bed because of my own self-loathing
Thought I would feel better, but I'm still the same
DIDN'T GET ANY HW DONE TODAY, FML

I need to make myself happy first and feel that I am appreciated
Why is it so dang hard to put myself first?
It's probably cause I care too much, I'm not asking to be catered to
... just want to be acknowloedged

Update

well i got all the kinesiology stuff done on my to do list
i re-took 9 chapter quizzes and scored 100 on all of them
i did eat lunch with my papabear today
and i started on my psychology reading, err highlighting

i dont know if its the weather, but i feel horrible right now
like all day ive been feeling super drowsy and tired
and ive had a headache for about half the day
took 1000mg of pain reliever, i'm glad it worked when i was in my lab
sitting here on my bed blogging away
i think im gonna be sleeping soon, i wish i could stay up longer
today was so so, i'm glad my guardian angel is always with me
i always look at my rosary in the car and this pin my mom put
it says:

"never drive faster than your guardian angel can fly"

so very true, well that's what i believe.
my angel has saved me maaaany times, and keeps saving me till this day
when i go to heaven i wannna look for whoever is watching over me
i want to meet them, and tell them thank you

going to sleep now, er laydown until i fall asleep.
going to old town pasadena tomorrow with papa early in the morning
gg and goodnight

Hello Sunday (:

today is sunday once again, sundays are so relaxing
just sitting here contemplating my week
mama & papa left to go to lakewood today for the "fiesta" thing
its just this thing that they go to every year with a bunch of filipinos
pretty chill but i decided i wanted to go to church to hear the guest speaker
i noticed mama left me a note on the breakfast table
she was just wishing me a happy valentine's day and to look on the reclining chair
she left me some gifts, which was unusual

she left me :

theraputic pillow

hello kitty towel wrap

what an interesting morning lol
it seems like i spend all my sunday mornings alone
haha its kind of sad but i'm fine with it i guess
i wish i had a brother, or a sister, or a dog to keep me company
but that will all have to wait until i graduate and get a pt job
physical therapy job haha
the first thing i wanna do when i save up enough paychecks is:

to buy an acura nsx, that's my dream car

i miss my cousins, but maybe i will get to see them soon enough
i miss going to those family parties when we were younger
i miss all those late night talks with them about life
i miss the laughs and jokes and all the bashing we would do on one another
but most of all, i just miss us being together
we're just all growing up now and we see each other maybe every other month
i'm just being nastolgic

me and neann in las vegas on a hs marching band trip
i think she was a freshman and i was a junior lolz

Valentine's Day 2009

today was pretty chill.
went to VG with lizette to get make up.
walking around, i saw so many couples, it was kind of cute.
spent the day at lizette's with their wonderful family.
i wish my family was just like theirs.
instead of mine which is slowly but surely falling apart.
i'll keep my head up though, i just need to BREATHE

Today is a Monday

School today was pretty good, i'm ahead in kinesiology so i dont really need to worry about that until next week. Bio i what i need to worry about, sigh midterm on friday. Psychology is going pretty good, im understanding the lectures for a majority of it. I think there is an exam coming up like in 2 weeks? Not too sure but i got to focus on whats going on right now.

THOUGHTS:

1. Day was pretty interesting, got most of my work done.
2. Got most of my work done except bio, sigh its neverending haha
3. Spent the afternoon at my house, doing hw -___-
4. Went to borders around 6ish? read up on some magazines
5. Came home around 8, finished reading my psychology, need to start on ch7
6. Got bored and started watching some shippuden yay !

And that sums up my day, just going to finish these episodes then im off to bed.

What A Great Weekend

Currently at isaiah's house laying down on his bed with lizette and amen. Niko is playing skate 2 and isaiah is being a momo on his macbook pro and his big computer. Yesterday was great woke up pretty early to start off the day.

Saturday:
1. Watched "he's just not that into you" cost $6.00
2. Drove to king of spades tattoo to see rica get her belly button pierced
3. Drove back to VG to walk , window shop, and eat at tacone cost $10.00
4. Dropped friends to their car
5. Picked up some rice for momo and the rest of their house
6. Spent the night hanging out with them at their house and watched shoot 'em up
7. Came hope in time for curfew

Sunday:
1. Great breakfast with mom and dad
2. Grocery shopping @ green hills
3. Went to church

-- overall great week. Sigh. Upcoming week is gonna be super hard, have a biology midterm on friday ... le sigh

Good Morning

Hm had a pretty 1337 weekend:

1. friday, went to andrew's house
2. saturday, went snowboarding @ mthhigh
3. sunday, went to church with the nolas
4. afterwards went to korean bbq buffet with my fam
5. spent the night at karen and aldrich's house

and now im sitting here waiting for either karen to wake up, or aldrich to get home from basketball practice haha. it's lame that i want to go to tyler today, and we were just there freaking yesterday haha! oh well (: karen and i ended up studying last night, i finished reading my psychology reading so that is good. We went to bed at like 3:30am because we got side tracked and were watching youtube videos of fat kids doing stuff haha. hope today will be a good day.

happy martin luther king jr. day (: !

What Makes Me Happy

i felt like randomly blogging what makes me happy

my momos <3

First Time Snowboarding

went to mt.high with the nolas and alyssa
borrowed shanyssa's board and joberts accessories
so much FUN! i really like snowboarding
except for the fact that i fell 30 times on my first run
and it took me 1 hour to get down the mountain...
i am so noob-sauce lol
my body is sore and beat up, my knees are destroyed
it was all worth it though, convinced my parents to buy me gear
woo, so next season i'll be all ready

i'm still sore its already day 2 or soreness lol

2009

yes, 2008 is finally over what a year though:

- high school graduation
- summer school for csusb
- debut practices
- DEBUT!
- soul anchor camp
- bomb christmas

and i couldnt ever forget all the up & DOWNS of '08
WHAT A YEAR THOUGH, i'll never forget it

but it's time to start 2009; starting off fresh

good bye ^^